So Long Since I last Saw You

I haven't posted in about a month because, honestly, I'm really bad at this stuff and I've been going through a down slope in my anxiety disorder that makes me totally uninterested in things I usually love doing. 

Thomas and I are now engaged! I'm so happy and so thrilled to be his wife one day. (specifically 3-10-2016) I have been having a lot of self realization moments lately about my disorder and how I handle things in general. I'm starting to realize that a lot of things that I though were normal are actually just symptoms of my anxiety. I'm also realizing that I don't necessarily need to be "fixed" I just need to do what makes me happy. Thomas has been the one to make me realize this actually. He told me that he honestly thinks I'm perfect the way I am, disorder and all. He doesn't feel the need to fix me or change me in any way; he just wants me to be happy. I made a text post om tumblr saying "First I was loved in spite of my flaws. Then I was loved for my flaws, But you love me AND my flaws," and it's that post right there that is pretty much stating that I am done with Travis and anyone else I have ever held a flame for. Travis loved me in spite of my flaws which I thought, and a lot of people still think, is really sweet and romantic, but in actuality they don't really love all of you, just the pretty parts. My friend Christian told me a year ago that he has always held a flame for me, but I had stopped crushing on him like 5 years before that, but he only loved me because I was as broken as he is, and when he realized I was stronger than he thought, he stopped talking to me. Now I have Thomas and he loves the pretty parts and the ugly parts equally. He understands that I get worried and jealous over stupid things and he's okay with it. He knows that I put my own health and well-being on the back burner to make sure I don't stand out in a crowd, (ex. I have a uti and refuse to ask for extra bathroom breaks during my training class so I don't draw attention to myself) so he sends me reminders and inspirations to put my health and happiness first. He'll ask me 1125 times if I'm sure I want to watch that movie, or go to that party, or if I'm okay that day, or if I'm sure I want to have sex because he knows it'll probably be number 1125 of him asking before I finally realize it's okay to say no. None of these things bother him and I'm confident none of them ever will because he fell in love with me already having to do these things. He fell in love with the girl who blows up his phone for no reason, cries about nothing, snaps at him because she feels like an imbecile for loosing her shoe, has to be asked 1125 times if she's not feeling okay that day. He makes me feel like it's perfectly okay that I'm not okay and I've never ever felt that way before, ever.

Sorry about that rant, but I could go on all night about him. (:

In other areas of my life:

 I work at a call center now

 My roommates fight more than ever because Sean has been lying to Kayne and me about everything

 My room is still a hot mess.

 I have been really sick lately, but I'm getting better.

 Kayne's cat had her kittens, and

 Things are finally starting to look up.

Wonder Wander Girl Out *salute*

Wiccan Rede

Bide within the Law you must,
In perfect Love and perfect Trust.
Live you must and let to live,
Fairly take and fairly give.
For tread the Circle thrice about,
To keep unwelcome spirits out.
To bind the spell well every time,
Let the spell be said in rhyme.
Light of eye and soft of touch,
Speak you little, listen much.
Honor the Old Ones in deed and name,
Let love and light be our guides again.

Deosil go by the waxing moon,
Chanting out the joyful tune.
Widdershins go when the moon doth wane,
And the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane.
When the Lady's moon is new, 
Kiss the hand to Her times two.
When the moon rides at Her peak,
Then your heart's desire seek.

Heed the North winds mighty gale,
Lock the door and trim the sail.
When the Wind blows from the East,
Expect the new and set the feast.
When the wind comes from the South,
Love will kiss you on the mouth.
When the wind whispers from the West,
All hearts will find peace and rest

Nine woods in the Cauldron go, 
Burn them fast and burn them slow.
Birch in the fire goes 
To represent what the Lady knows.
Oak in the forest towers with might, 
In the fire it brings the God's insight
Rowan is a tree of power 
Causing life and magick to flower.
Willows at the waterside 
Stand ready to help us to the Summerland.
Hawthorn is burned to purify 
And to draw faerie to your eye.
Hazel-the tree of wisdom and learning
Adds its strength to the bright fire burning.
White are the flowers of Apple tree
That brings us fruits of fertility.
Grapes grow upon the vine 
Giving us both joy and wine.
Fir does mark the evergreen 
To represent immortality seen.
Elder is the Lady's tree 
Burn it not or cursed you'll be.

Four times the Major Sabbats mark
In the light and in the dark.
As the old year starts to wane
The new begins, it's now Samhain.
When the time for Imbolc shows
Watch for flowers through the snows.
When the wheel begins to turn
Soon the Beltane fires will burn.
As the wheel turns to Lamas night
Power is brought to magick rite.
Four times the Minor Sabbats fall
Use the Sun to mark them all.
When the wheel has turned to Yule
Light the log the Horned One rules.
In the spring, when night equals day
Time for Ostara to come our way.
When the Sun has reached it's height
Time for Oak and Holly to fight.
Harvesting comes to one and all
When the Autumn Equinox does fall.

Heed the flower, bush, and tree
By the Lady blessed you'll be.
Where the rippling waters go
Cast a stone, the truth you'll know.
When you have and hold a need,
Harken not to others greed.
With a fool no season spend
Or be counted as his friend.
Merry Meet and Merry Part
Bright the cheeks and warm the heart.
Mind the Three-fold Laws you should
Three times bad and three times good.
When misfortune is enow
Wear the star upon your brow.
Be true in love this you must do
Unless your love is false to you.
These Eight words the Rede fulfill:
"An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will"

They his is like a moral and ritual guideline for us wiccans, but it's personally so much more. I had my own ideas about the morals associated with Wicca that rivaled the beliefs of the people around me, but I found this and was like "Wow, It's all right here!" Respect the Earth, take little and give much, don't charge for spells and readings, keep good company, etc.

On that note: I'm starting a second blog about Wicca. I'll start with basic information about wicca, gems, runes and herbs, and then as I learn more I'll post what I learn.

Wonder Wander Girl is feeling like Spiritual Girl today