Thomas and I are now engaged! I'm so happy and so thrilled to be his wife one day. (specifically 3-10-2016) I have been having a lot of self realization moments lately about my disorder and how I handle things in general. I'm starting to realize that a lot of things that I though were normal are actually just symptoms of my anxiety. I'm also realizing that I don't necessarily need to be "fixed" I just need to do what makes me happy. Thomas has been the one to make me realize this actually. He told me that he honestly thinks I'm perfect the way I am, disorder and all. He doesn't feel the need to fix me or change me in any way; he just wants me to be happy. I made a text post om tumblr saying "First I was loved in spite of my flaws. Then I was loved for my flaws, But you love me AND my flaws," and it's that post right there that is pretty much stating that I am done with Travis and anyone else I have ever held a flame for. Travis loved me in spite of my flaws which I thought, and a lot of people still think, is really sweet and romantic, but in actuality they don't really love all of you, just the pretty parts. My friend Christian told me a year ago that he has always held a flame for me, but I had stopped crushing on him like 5 years before that, but he only loved me because I was as broken as he is, and when he realized I was stronger than he thought, he stopped talking to me. Now I have Thomas and he loves the pretty parts and the ugly parts equally. He understands that I get worried and jealous over stupid things and he's okay with it. He knows that I put my own health and well-being on the back burner to make sure I don't stand out in a crowd, (ex. I have a uti and refuse to ask for extra bathroom breaks during my training class so I don't draw attention to myself) so he sends me reminders and inspirations to put my health and happiness first. He'll ask me 1125 times if I'm sure I want to watch that movie, or go to that party, or if I'm okay that day, or if I'm sure I want to have sex because he knows it'll probably be number 1125 of him asking before I finally realize it's okay to say no. None of these things bother him and I'm confident none of them ever will because he fell in love with me already having to do these things. He fell in love with the girl who blows up his phone for no reason, cries about nothing, snaps at him because she feels like an imbecile for loosing her shoe, has to be asked 1125 times if she's not feeling okay that day. He makes me feel like it's perfectly okay that I'm not okay and I've never ever felt that way before, ever.
Sorry about that rant, but I could go on all night about him. (:
In other areas of my life:
I work at a call center now
My roommates fight more than ever because Sean has been lying to Kayne and me about everything
My room is still a hot mess.
I have been really sick lately, but I'm getting better.
Kayne's cat had her kittens, and
Things are finally starting to look up.
Wonder Wander Girl Out *salute*
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